ARGH...............................why is parenthood so tough

It's almost the end of Nov and we now have to make a final decision on where to send Jarrett. Does he remain in his current childcare or does he go to Glory Kindi?

We have dragged making this decision for months.
I enrolled J in Glory Kindi early March this year, being the first to apply (VERY KS), thinking I best get a slot for J in my desired kindi ASAP. But then, we started thinking, maybe a child care is better, especially after the grandma raised the white flag and claimed defeat, saying she could no longer handle J.
We could have opted to employ a domestic help and let J stay with grandma till he turns 2 and start Glory Kindi in Jan 10, but then we could see the little one was bored at home and we hate the idea of having our privacy invaded. So we started searching for a child care ctr. Turned out Singapore mummies start chopping places in child care even before babies are born! So the top 2 ctrs we wanted turned out to be full. Heck, even the waiting list is full. Now dun get me started on how long is the waiting list at Nanyang Kindi, it's crazy. It's a crazy world!

So anyway, we finally found a place we like. J started school in Sep and managed to settle down after a few weeks. He seems to like his teacher a lot and been learning lots of new things each week. He sometimes surprises me with new skills or new words. Just yesterday morning when he saw my coffee, he went "Oh mummy coffee!" and made the drinking action. We said "No...no coffee for Jarrett". He pouted and said "Oh....poor Jarrett!"
And this morning, when Wx said "Jarrett, repeat after me. Say... I... am... a..... smart.... boy...".
Jarrett simply said "I'm a smart boy" and it sounded like it came with a smirk (hey! shortcut!)
I'm not saying he's a genius, but he's less than 2 and I am impressed with what he can say sometimes.

When J first started child care, I was still very adamant about him going to Glory. It's a good school with great reputation and most importantly to me, being part of the church, imparts Christian teaching to the children. I love that! I know I am not the most pious person around, so sending J to a Christian school will help greatly in introducing him to the faith. The plan was to use the child care as a temp. solution and transfer J to Glory a few months later. That was the initial plan.

So now, here's the cause of my headaches and Wx's as well:
1) Since J has settled down in Cambridge, we are reluctant to send him to somewhere new and get him to cry every morning for the next few weeks again. It's very heartbreaking and stressful.

2) I LOVE GLORY

3) BUT Cambridge seems to be doing a great job with J. He has been learning lots of new things, has his group of friends and loves his teacher.

4) The teacher to student ratio at the childcare is small, currently it's 2 teachers to 3 kids. It will prob grow to abt 1 teacher 5 kids next year when he moves up to N1.
In Glory, it's 2 teachers to 12 kids.
So in other words, J gets more attention in Cambridge now. But then may not be so next year when he goes to N1, but still a smaller ratio than Glory.

5) Cambridge is full day, with no long sch term breaks. Glory operates just like a normal school and has 2 long breaks per year. ie..no one to entertain J at home during the holidays. Even with a maid to help, the grandparents still can't provide much stimulation. J will definitly be well taken care of, but they are very old school and wun bother with activities to let J explore and learn. I know he's only 2 but he does get bored at home.

6) While I have warm up to the idea of having a domestic helper (dying here), Wx is still very reluctant to have someone else at home.

That's all I can remember now, but I am sure there's more...

So I'm off to kill myself trying to make a decison which I think will be best for Jarrett. Please dun call me, I'll be hard on my kneels, praying for a sign. Will it be a G (Glory) or a C (Cambridge)? Please God, heed my prayers....

First attempt - pics for his passport

scary face. we had to ask him to tone down.

the blur look. had to keep asking him "close your mouth Jarrett!"

turning cheeky

getting a little irritated.

and we call it a wrap. bed time for the little one.

A date with Pooh at the supermart

Why I can't afford to have no. 2

J's first grammatically correct sentence:

"I WANT RICE!"

It's just too expensive to feed these Ngs.

2 weeks into school

The poor boy has fallen sick. We have no idea if he got it from his new friend (there's this other boy who's been missing school) or his papa, who got sick just a few days before him. Anyway, he's been sick for a week, missed 4 days of school. Poor little thing, lost some weight despite his increasing appetite.

Anyway, it's a merry go round, it's now my turn to fall sick. If this means losing a bit of weight, I have no complaints. Ha...

very nice....

Sister rushing into my cubicle.

Sis: Eh..u know ur bro in law's friend? That very eligible guy, with a fortune?
Me: Yeah...the one who has all the girls drooling over him?
Sis: Ya that one! U know the other day he asked your bro in law if I (as in my sis) have a sister..one who is available and as capable!
Me: (perking up) Really? Then what did he say?
Sis: U wun believe it.
Me: (even more perked up) What?
Sis: hahahaha...a norm response wld be that you are married rite?
Me: Yes...(dreading the answer)
Sis: He said....
Me: WHAT?
Sis: Wow...she's a fierce one. U dun wanna meddle with her.

THANK YOU BROTHER DEAR, I LOVE U TOO!

Pictures of J!

First day of school, in his new uniform.
Having fun painting with his new friend.
Chinese lesson. The teacher trying hard to get his attention.
Party on the 3rd day.

The boy's in school.

J officially started school, or rather child care last week. After months of searching, shortlisting and so on, we finally decided on a school for him. We went on the trial, like what we saw and J seem to like it. Asked if he will like to go to school and he said "Yesh!".

The first 2 days, he went on half days, as advised by the principal. So it was all really fun, mixing with the children, playing with all the new toys, blah blah blah. I was with him, so he felt really secure and confident enough to explore by himself while I sat in a corner with a mag. The real test came when he started on a full day by himself. The first day was easy, cos he didn't expect me to sneak off, so all was well, with the occasionally "Mama, Papa", a few sobs which was easily smoothed with hugs and kisses from the teacher. On the 2nd day, again, not much problem. He went in and mingled with the other kids, who seem to like him, and it helps that there are a few older kids who like him enough to look out for him.
There's this cute little boy who asked me "What is his name (pointing to J, and then proceeded to squeeze next to us in the tiny bathroom)?" "Jarrett." "Oww.....I like him, he's so cute!" Ah..this boy, won so many brownie points with me. Hahahaa...
So anyway, when I picked him up early on the 2nd day, thinking not to stress him out so much, the little one was crying and hugging his teddy at the door. Aiyoh..my heart broke.

On the 3rd morning, while putting on his uniform, he told me "Go Ah Ma! Ah Ma! Ah Ma!" He apparently wanted to go grandma house instead of school. Needless to say, there was much crying at the school gate. I swear my heart broke into a thousand pieces when he tried to reached out to me, crying when the teacher tried to carry him away to class.

Today, which is the 4th day by himself, still a struggle. Poor boy...I hope he gets used to the routine soon.

Pictures later, busy with work...

Something's wrong with my blogger, can't post pics. How?

Do u love........?

Papa: Jarrett........(kiss kiss kiss kiss) do you love mama or papa more?
Jarrett: Mama (loudly)!
Not giving up
Papa: Jarrett...........do you love Papa?
Jarrett: Syesh!
Mama: Do you love Mama?
Jarrett: Yesh!
Papa: Then do you love Mama or Papa more?
Jarrett: Mama!

Papa getting a little irritated
Papa: ok...do you love Papa or Mama more (notice the change in sequence?)
Jarrett very smart!
Jarrett: Mama!
Mama: Hahahahahaa

Man....motherhood...sweet

We heard the Indian Ocean calling us...and we simply had to go

We left J with the in laws last week and spent the time in the Indian Ocean to recharge our batteries. We didn't plan on the trip so soon after just going in Dec but the last trip left us so dissatisfied that we just had to do a make up trip. Blisss....this trip is worth every single cent.

We wanted to bring J with us initially, u noe..let him have some fun in the sun, play with some sand, catch some insects and drive us insane chasing after him, but then the H1N1 sort of got worse, and the grandparents started getting paranoid and said the little one should avoid air travel. We fought with the guilt and finally agreed that it was best to leave him at home. The last couple of months had been quite stressful and demanding, both Wx & I were exhausted. I was tried of everything, and dragging myself out of bed was a pain some mornings. We also found out about Angsana's new InOcean Villas and just had to be one of the first to try it. Children below 12 are not allowed, so J just had to stay home while papa and mama get some couple time, and rest. Have to work on the romance especially after becoming parents right?

The month before the holiday, I was looking forward to leaving everything behind. I wanted to sleep late, enjoy my meal at a snail pace, read, swim, nap, take long..........showers, soak in the tub...everything I can't do much back home. But the week before we were to leave, the guilt started to set in, eating me slowly and painfully each day, and escalating to a point where I really felt like the worst mother when we were at the departure gate.
J sensed something was wrong even before we said our byes, he started clinging on and refused to let go. When grandma grabbed him and made him said bye, he screamed and brawled like we had done the worst thing to him, which in his eyes, probably was, to leave him behind. It was just a week away, but I just couldn't help the few tears I shed for the pain I caused my child. Darn......I’m sounding like some melancholy idiot. The guards probably thought so, cos I heard a few chuckles.
I don't know why, it was never so tough when I traveled, even when I made the 2 weeks trip last year. Maybe it was because J didn't really make a fuss when he was younger, so not much guilt.

The first day away was the toughest, we made calls back to check on him and made all sorts of silly talk with him. That day, we stayed at the beach villa, with our very own jet pool. Towards the end of the day, the guilt started to fade...and guess what, once we shifted over to the InOcean Villa, the guilt had slowly faded...to a very manageable level. By the 3rd day, I was just feeling a little sad how fast holidays always seem to end. LOL...

Pics of the holiday coming up

Return to reality

All it took was one day with J to completely exhaust all my renewed energy from a one week break. How powerful is this kid huh...

This is why we don't need a domestic helper

Cos Jarrett works hard for his milk.

Weekend get away

We spent last weekend at the very classy St Regis, celebrating the Mr's birthday and also to let J have some fun where I don't have to worry too much about cleaning up...hahaha..

J having fun playing in the pool

my 2 boys

He had lots of fun with these sliding doors which gave me some time to enjoy my fancy coffee served by the bulter no less, and the Sunday papers. Nice..........

Grandma wanna be

After a bout of sickness, I've pretty much lost my appetite for most things. So when the grandma asked if I would like my usual cup of herbal tea and I replied "Dun want. So sick of that". She gave a very hopeful look and asked "You pregnanat ah?"
Faint!

How?

I've been tasked with a really difficult task. How do I write a self intro? I suck big time at this and dread coming up with something really corny. Can someone help pls!

Chill..

Instead of howling at J every 5 mins with a "NO!", we decided to let the little kid had some creative play without anyone hovering around. We left him alone in his high chair in the dining area, with a bowl of apples and a mug of water. Actually, we didn't plan this, we just wanted to have 20 mins in front of the TV and veg. And also, we got tired asking J to "feed Mama, feed papa" when he obviously wasn't in the mood to share his food. So we pretended to be pissed off and walked away.

We checked on him from seconds to seconds, to make sure he didn't fall off the chair or stab himself with the fork, but what totally amused us was how much fun he had. We thought he would be upset being left alone but not at all.

Since he was hogging his apple with so much fervour, he of cos started off with feeding himself. He would occasionally turned to face himself in the mirror and beamed with so much pleasure and turned back to eating more apples. And then he decided maybe eating apples just wasn't as much fun as making apple juice, so he turned his mug upside down and "washed" his hands before he proceeded to make himself some freshly squeezed apple juice. Very nice....he pinched the apples with so much might, I fear it would leave marks on his tiny fingers. He was very careful too, making sure the apple juices fell straight into his little bowl. But I gathered he wasn't too thirsty and wanted to perk up for the next day, cos he started giving himself an apple facial. He smeared his face with 2 little hands full of apple juice and made sure they reached his neck too. Very through indeed...

This went on for another 10mins or so. By then he had enough fun and was ready to terrorise us with his apple flavoured self. Didn't cost us anything, but it got us some 20 mins of bliss and so much fun for him. We should do this more often.

my cuddly little bear

J never has an issue with sleeping by himself since birth. In fact, he didn't like us to cuddle him much right before sleeping. He preferred rolling around by himself in his cot, hugging his bolster and companion, Kaka, before falling asleep. When we tried to get him to sleep with us in the big bed, he would make a big fuss until we put him back into his little haven.

4 weeks again, he went thru a sudden transformation. Instead of the usual practise which was milk, kisses from mama & papa, and then to his little bed, he clung onto to me like a koala bear and refused to let go. So that night, he slept on me. He first slept right on top, with his face tuck under my chin, when I tried to move him, he still clung on and shifted to my tummy (very soft and nice?), and finally when I tried to shift him back to his bed, he stuck his face right to mine, with his butt high up in the air. Since then, every single nite (unless he falls asleep in the car first), he has been sleeping in our big bed, either with papa or mama. Sometimes he'll get to sleep with us thru the nite, but most times we'll shift him back to his cot right after he goes into deep sleep.

To be honest, I don't mind this change. I know....i noe..there are probably some horrified looks on some of your faces now, thinking I am crazy to let J grow into this habit, and how we should be cultivating independence at this stage and what about personal space and all. Seriously, how long do you get to hug and hold your kids to sleep? You don't need to do any maths to know it's only a few short years, if not months. How long do they stay such trusting little babies? Too short I say. Already J is showing signs of wanting to do things by himself, like "wearing" his own shoes, taking off his clothes, refusing to hold our hands when he wants to run....my little boy is growing up. Soon he'll reach the stage where kisses from mama is so not cool and I'll be left thinking about the little bear who slept on my tummy and clung on to dear life when I tried to shift him away. So is it wrong of me to love sleeping with him? Nah...I don't think so. It's something I quite look forward to at the end of a work day =)

Day 11 - End of breastfeeding

After 11 days of pain and gallons of chives tea, I think I am almost there, the end of my breastfeeding days. It has been more than 24 hours since my last pump! A major feat for someone who used to turn into a grouchy monster after a 4 hours lapse.
Woohoo to no more engorgement, whoohoo...to more freedom, whooohoo.....to no more lugging pumps and milk bottles everywhere I go, bye bye to ugly nursing bras!!!

Happy Father's Day

J got Mama as his "assistant" and made Papa a father's day card! Both grandpas got their cards too.